Of course we cant talk there because his work phone is always ringing or someone is coming in his office and he has no problem quickly dismissing me. He does not remember telling us the night of the wake we have our lives and I have mine live them. He said it wasnt his fault that theyve grown apart and theres nothing he can do about it. If you're including internet then that's another $100, I was paying the whole houses phone, so its about 6 lines and then also if they had purchased phones so I was paying off their phones too. I figured who would seriously date my dad lol figured he was fun and nice so a group of going out friends would be fun and good for him? I thought we were just doing something the two of us and this woman I have never heard of or seen in my life showed up and my dad doesnt introduce her. According to him, he had already grieved over her and had moved on. We had to ask my dad if he could fit us into his schedule because they are soooo busy doing stuff. I think that's what my dad would want, but I'm not sure. My mom is hard to care for. She has told him he has a dirty mind. Long. Honestly, Im at a loss. She refused to believe it; he was wrong. After I started working at YouTube, Dad loved sending me his favorite live versions of songs he found on the platform. Oh honey, there's no such thing as grieving too much or too little. We still have disagreements and I cant stand to see him showing affection towards her, but I want to have a relationship with my dad. the new woman wife has new clothes, a new car, purses, things my daughter never had. He resented being taken out for visits almost as if he felt we were at fault. Even though the other sister was with my mom every second of every day since my moms diagnosis and passing. Hopefully shes not mean and takes my Dads money and excludes us. Yes, he is lonely and yes, you are lonely and yes, you both deserve not to be lonely. I guess I wrote this hoping to give a Dads perspective and ask that those struggling try to accept the new person in your life and get to know them enough to judge them as they are. Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. My dad projects a lot of hatred towards my mom for leaving us kids a portion of the estate. And the whole time he was here, he was watching the clock and couldnt wait to leave to get back to her. I am sorry that you are going through this. I actually think I will call her today and see if she wants to see a movie. Then in July, he went camping with her and her family. He can have a lady friend. Wait. He may back us financially (and again, I dont want to disregard his generosity here), but our relationship is suffering. He was just my moms friend and he was there for her which was ok with my brother and I. My mom and I were very close before she got sick and got even closer during her illness, so this feels like a violation to me in so many ways. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/tips-for-when-your-widowe_b_5942444 Then not even 5 months later he was dating seriously, and had been talking about marriage with We have to look outside ourselves, our own feelings, we cant control how anyone feels, but we can control our actions and we can work on ourselves and challenge ourselves to do something uncomfortable ( especially for your dad) he has done so much for you , for your family, for your late mother or loved one. I question my Dad, he says it is temporary until she finds a condo to buy. Please, please if you are a parent or new love interest think carefully about how a selfish decision will cause decades of pain and suffering. My wife and our family never got to know here, as our children feel that he betrayed their grandmother in such a short time. It took a long time for me to be able to do this, and I am not perfect at this. Obviously, a liver issue meant the cancer was in more than 1 organ by the time she knew. She started her career at the Creative Artists Agency in New York City in the celebrity commercial endorsement group. So sent him pictures etc. again Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. She was an active, vibrant 72 year old woman who had lots of plans for the future. Did your dad leave money for her retirement? I have not met this woman, nor do I want to. He said he wanted to thank all us kids for all our help with my mom. I guess I just need to keep asking God for his help. My dad met a woman one month after my moms passing but they ended up just being friends. People will die; people will leave, and sometimes, they just decide they no longer want to be in your life anymore. Dad has us get rid of Moms clothes the very weekend of her funeral. How dare I try to prevent him from moving on? for all you women dating widowed men, take note that the adult children (esp daughters?) You only get one life; live it and love it to the fullest of your ability, and dont let the hard times break you. Perhaps just go out with death and this will never an unhappy outcome. She is constantly at my house spending the night for days and even up to a week at a time staying at my house. My mother-in-law passed away May 2009. She complained that when we were away, everyone bowed to me and did everything for me. Knowing that this person would throw you to the wolves if it would please her makes it hard to have a cheery disposition. He was alright. Only someone that is shallow and selfish would do this. I would like for someone to tell me when its ok to date after a spouse dealth. But you get the gist of it all. but Im defensive and worried.. Maybe she is the one but like many of you, she doesnt seem to be trying to have a relationship with me..We go out to dinner together with my husband, daughter, Dad and dads girlfriend, and its like crickets. It appears to me that your dad has been extremely lonely since your mom passed and he feels this woman has given him life again. Remember him WITH her - try very hard to remember little things. . And.. My parents were married for 29 years, and I am the oldest in the family (28) of three children. Thank God he finally saw through her manipulation before it was too late. She is also my age (53). I wanted to punch her in the face because she followed up that statement with she loved my father and next thanks giving would be better. When I confronted him about it, he asked if I was on my period. You need to figure out how to be self-supporting instead of relying on me to take care of you. Thanks to whoever can help or give some insight. First Id like to say to Curious that I dont think there is a specific length of time that makes it ok to date after a spouse dies. Well, Im just a terrible person. she said (playing the victim to my dad). We became extremely close with my father and spent countless nights in the living room together playing games. Buster Murdaugh Was Filmed Leaving The Courtroom Following Would it make these adult children happier if their remaining parent curl up in a ball in the corner, wear black everyday and sit in the house the rest of their life? No good way to treat it. Ahh, this hurts It feels moms memory is being tarnished and I want to make things right. What I, and it sounds like many others here, think is inappropriate is possibly the timing involved- being so soon after our mothers death, and the insensitivity towards our feelings of grief and loneliness of having lost our mothers. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Did she ever stop to consider my feelings as well. Sure, I want him to be happy, but does he really have to be so doggone thrilled and gleeful about it? Even I never expected his woman friend would be so callous as to abdicate all responsibility after 35 years of being together. I defy anyone to say that this does not demonstrate an obscene lack of decorum and sensitivity. I truly hope that all of you can find peace with your fathers dating again, and I am so very thankful to have found this site. Furthermore, if it had been the other way around (i.e., my dad had died instead of my mom), then I would have actually encouraged my mom to get out and meet someone! People constantly comment about how incredible they really are. Joanne- I think that was uncalled for- especially when everyones situation is different. Your mom sounds very lazy and manipulative. However, at one point he asked whether the potential new visiter was married. He does not dare ask if she will be staying for a few days. WebI (23F) & my husband (24M) lived with my mom (48F) during Covid. another woman. NTA. Since then there has been no contact unless we dropped my father off at her home. He is depressed because he has been abandoned by her and takes it out on me. I would say she is a sociopath and she will go to great lengths to get what she wants and who gets run over in the process she does not care. For https://afalasrozas.org/ know, three. They are very strong spiritually, academically, are very respectful people and all have a great sense of humor. I want you to know that I feel your pain. Now, he is practically living with her. I have no desire to be alone and lonely in my older years and neither does he. I hate the fact that someone like her came into our lives only to get what she was after for many years. It is also the mother of a friend i had in elementary school. Where they went, what they ate, how they laughed.so I set to trying to say the right thing and be supportive even thought I didnt like the idea of this woman. My parents had been married for 63 years. Do not live in the same painful place, allow yourself and your family to move on. However . I kept asking Dad to find someone that liked his family..he chooses not to be alone. On the contrary he thinks that he owes her because she moved and sold her house on retirement to live with him. This wasnt his fault he found himself in this situation just as we all have. We're looking forward to. However, his wife continues to feel I havent accepted her into the family and that I am disrespectful towards her. My dad has also been lazy too since it. She began to bring him desserts, and he eventually asked her to dinner. Dad has told us that he has never felt this way about anyone, that nothing can keep them apart, and that hes going to be selfish and do what he wants. Not. My mother died in Aug. 2006 and my Dad just started dating a women a month ago. I feel the pain of all the daughters on this website and Im glad I found this site. My mother passed away 30 days ago. I dont believe after just 4 weeks, that we have even completed the grieving stages and am starting to feel very bitter towards her. I am so sorry for your losses and the situation you have came upon. SHE IS NOT MY FAMILY. You can petition the court to be named executor. With us not around all the time, I'm worried that she just won't be eating. Its because i took a picture of us 4 without her and because i have pictures of my mother up in the house and i do that on purpose. It was truly the hardest thing I ever had to do. I can love my life I had and respect that I need companionship and passion in my new life. You will be able to move on. Maybe Im being childish and selfish but a dying wish for a wife of 42 years should be honored dont you think? However, this has been very tough on my kids. They dont live together yet. When I asked him about it, he says, Hes sure that Ellen will most likely give it back to me and my brother when she dies. Im highly doubtful about that. Has anyone been able to move on from the pain of their parents getting involved with someone else so soon? My father started dating a woman this summer. Everyone deals with death differently; my family is a prime example. which is just so-true. When you need to help her and get frustrated, remind yourself "three decades." Caring for another can look like doing different jobs to help a family member cope on a daily basis with the many things that need to be done in a day. There are no words to describe the pain and emptiness I feel deep in the very pit of my being. She gets mad at him on every account. It is a conscious choice. It wouldnt put it past them. Both sons are married, one lives locally and one is in another state. The bushes were drying out because they were too big and not getting enough water, when its been over 110 degrees here for many many days. He says that if you grieve over someones death, it is because you are not right with God. This is all about you not wanting to be alone, because he did not have enough time to understand his grief nor did any of the other family members. He really never had time to grieve her passing before he jumped up and remarried either. Although both countries are going through economic difficulties if you are able to work and are not reliant on welfare there is in general a higher standard of living in the U.S. Ive been through a lot in my life that i dont need the added drama. Now, less than a year after my mom died, here was my dad taking a woman out for Valentines Day? We are fine with him being with her, but cant handle her visiting in my mother-in-laws home sitting in her chair. The problem is, even if the relationship is short-lived the pain it has already caused will not heal. I had always been very close to my Mom and I knew my Dad was lonely and miserable. It really helps alot. Having to have chemo weekly with only a few breaks in between, left her very ill during the process. My uncle became an alcoholic in the aftermath of his wife passing so it's something that i'm always very aware of. We told him that our grieving process is not done and we are not there yethe does not care. I am now caught up on all the soap operas I have not watched since I left home and am familiar with all the talk show host and their guests. Can you ask more of me? I just wanted to say thanks for posting your experiences because its nice to know that I am not alone. It has been like this for 3-4 months. .I cant believe I found this website. Youre not doing anything wrong your timing is just off. My Dad went on a date with a mutual friend of theirs within one month, which I was astounded by. If you do not take care of yourself, then you cannot help others. My new GF is so understanding and does not want to replace my wife. What my husband and I did years ago is none of her business anyway. Looking for novel in all the wrong places? Its no one elses business. My mom passed away at age 53 from colon cancer. So basically I cant talk to him at all except shallow, general chit chat type of conversation. My mom has lived on her own since my dad died in 2017, first in a seniors retirement community, now in her own condo.